


Pas Peur

by OMG_2005



Series: Their Future [2]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alpha!Eliott, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bipolar Disorder, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marriage, Mental Health Issues, Mild Smut, Mpreg, Omega Verse, Omega!Lucas, Post Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:35:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26581504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMG_2005/pseuds/OMG_2005
Summary: Things didn't go as planned. Some things tore the plans apart. Some things in the plans were postponed. And some things ... Some things weren't even part of the plan.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Series: Their Future [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821952
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	1. September 27 - No, No, No

_"No, no, no, no, no, no."_

_'No' seemed to be the only word that existed at that moment. It was all he could say, all he could hear Eliott say. The only thing on his mind, besides the unbearable pain, was the word 'No'. No, this could not be happening!_

_He felt another squeeze of his hand, which was sweaty and covered in his own blood, though he hadn't even realized it had gotten there. It didn't matter anyway. Nothing seemed to matter._

_His entire body felt limb on the hospital bed. Not only from the news that had only a minute ago left the doctor's mouth but also from the previous events, that had happened before that. The birth, the pushing, the pain. It left his entire body limb and Lucas knew that if it hadn't been for the news, he would be able to sit up and hold his newborn sons. He wanted to hold them. There was nothing he wanted more. Except, maybe for this moment to be over. Why couldn't it just be over already?_

_Why couldn't it not happen at all?_

_He felt the hand in his, the one that belonged to Eliott, be removed from his grip. He wanted to cry even more. Eliott couldn't leave him! Not now. Not ever. Not because of this._

_They needed to be there for each other right now._

_Instead, he heard the crying of his newborn sons. It blended together with the crying of Lucas and Eliott, and Lucas was sure he wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't been paying full attention to what was going on with Eliott. He had yet to open his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to do so, the touch of Eliott's hand was all he relied on at that moment and he needed it. Eliott couldn't leave him._

_But as the nurse spoke to him, probably not for the first time since the doctor had broken the news, he finally opened his eyes. He was met with the nurse, carefully holding his and Eliott's son in her arms. Lucas quickly glanced to the side to see Eliott holding their other son, silently swaying from side to side to calm him down._

_Lucas looked back at the nurse and held out his arms to take his son. The second he held him in his arms everything felt better. The pain was still there, sure, but it was less unbearable. This was exactly what he needed right now. His son was absolutely beautiful, but he couldn't have been anything else, with a father looking like Eliott does._

_This wasn't the first time he was holding his son, but he wished it had been. He wished the first hadn't ever happened, for then what came next wouldn't have happened either._

_He kissed the small boy's head and once again let the tears fall._

_He felt the bed dip under him and his fiance was once again beside him. Touching him. He leaned forward a little, careful not to hurt his baby boy, and waited for Eliott to get seated behind him. When he had, Lucas leaned back again and felt his back press against his fiance's chest. He moved to the side a little, so the Eliott could still hold their other son in his arms. Now they could see them both._

_Lucas smiled down at the baby in his fiance's arms, kissing his tiny feet. As a response, his boy kicked slightly, reminding Lucas of the last few months he had spent feeling his babies kick inside of him. That was the most amazing feeling ever._

_He looked up from his son and his eyes met Eliott's. They were red and his cheeks were stained with his tears. He watched silently as another few tears fell and he kissed them away. He wanted to kiss all the pain away, even though he knew he was physically in more pain then Eliott was. Emotionally, they were equal, but Eliott hadn't just given birth._

_Lucas kissed Eliott's lips and he felt he could finally breathe again. In the last many hours, every breath had been used to scream and push out his boys. Then came that and he couldn't breathe again. Now that he could, he felt relieved, which was soon followed by regret. How could he be relieved? How dared he?_

_As the two men pulled away from each other, Lucas felt Eliott remove a hair from his forehead. Only now did he realized how sweaty he actually was, but Eliott didn't seem to care. The older man smiled through his tears and held Lucas' face in his free hand. He was cupping Lucas' cheek, bringing their foreheads together. It was an uncomfortable position, but it didn't matter._

_"You were amazing, Lucas." Eliott's soft voice broke midsentence and Lucas felt more tears fall._

_"I could've been better." He whispered, inhaling a shaky breath before continuing, "Maybe if I had, this wouldn't've happened."_

_"You can't say that, Lucas. You can't. It's not your fault." Eliott gave him a peck on the lips, "You were amazing, Lucas. And I love you so much, even more now that you've brought our sons into the world." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, it wasn't that breathtaking smile that Lucas fell in love with, but it was everything in this more not, "And they are so beautiful, Lucas. So fucking beautiful."  
_

_"Don't swear." Lucas tried to joke, "They can hear you."_

_A small laugh found it's way through the lump in Eliott's throat. Despite the situation, it felt good to laugh again._

_Then the nurse's voice sounded from the other end of the room. She stood by the door, a small smile on her face. "Your friends are waiting for you outside if you feel ready to see them."_

_She left, leaving the two men to themselves and their sons once again._

_"I don't wanna tell them," Lucas whispered as he looked down at his son._

_"Want me to go tell them before they come in?" Eliott asked, whispering the question into Lucas' ear._

_"You don't have to if you don't want to."_

_"I do. And I will if you prefer it that way."_

_Lucas nodded and leaned forward again as he felt Eliott move away from behind him. As he stood up, he turned back to Lucas again, handed their son to the younger man. Eliott took a mental picture of his fiance holding their two sons. That was a sight he wanted to remember for the rest of his life._

_He walked to the door and opened it slightly, glancing back at Lucas. The man was smiling down at their sons, with tears still trailing down his face and Eliott swore he never wanted to see Lucas cry again. And he would do anything in his power to make sure he didn't. Even though he knew that wasn't possible._

_As he stepped outside, all their friends stood up. They ran to him, all with smiles on their faces. They don't know yet, Eliott had to remind himself, or else he would probably be screaming at them that there was something to not smile about._

_As their friends suddenly noticed the tearstained cheeks, red eyes, and still falling tears, something snapped in their heads. A series of is everything okay, what happened, and what's wrong was heard all around him, and Eliott had to look away for a moment to stop himself from crying even more. Eliott looked happy, and he felt happy, but he still couldn't stop the pain in his chest and the lump in his throat. He was sure he wasn't gonna be able to speak until the words finally left his mouth._

_"Something happened" he started off, he didn't know how to continue, "And I..." a sob escaped his mouth before he could continue. He needed to get this over with, it had to._

_His friends waited patiently for him to continue, not wanting to push the man as he cried softly. They worriedly watched as Eliott pulled himself together, and listened as they now heard the crying from inside the room. And not crying from a pair of newborn baby boys._

_"There was another baby." Eliott finally said, "But she didn't make it."_


	2. September 29 - Continue

Eliott wasn't very good with change, but this he thinks he's able to get used to. Waking up next to his fiance, his two baby boys in their cribs beside their bed. Waking up with a kiss from Lucas was something he had gotten used to long ago, but this time it felt different. They were parents now. Fathers. Followed by a kiss, which was as good as their first kiss ever, they both stood up and walked to their sons. They picked one up each and stood beside each other. They smile. They kiss again, before giving a kiss to their son's foreheads. then they head down for breakfast. 

They had a nursery prepared. Of course, they had. It was the first room they finished as soon as they bought the house. But after what happened at the hospital, losing _her_ , they couldn't bring themselves to let their sons sleep in another room. Not yet, at least. Maybe after a while and they have gotten more used to it.'

The ride home from the hospital had been weird, Lucas had to admit that, thinking back at it. Not only because of the tension still clear in the air, but also because of the two baby boys in the backseat with Lucas. One was crying, all the while the other was giggling. Lucas had no idea what to do. He tried to get one to stop crying, playing a little with him and figure out why he was crying in the first place. As if realizing all his father's attention wasn't on him anymore, the other boy started crying too. And suddenly Lucas sat with two crying newborn babies in the backseat of the car, while absolutely clueless of what to do. Eliott had tried talking him through something, not being able to help from the driver seat. Lucas tried doing as he said, but it didn't help. 

They had finally stopped crying when they reached the house as if they could sense that, that building is where they are gonna grow up. They looked at the house curiously, although both men knew that they had no idea what was going on. They just had to get used to new surroundings, like all babies. 

Eliott and Lucas gave their sons a tour around the house, before laying them in their cribs, which they had moved into their bedroom. 

After their boys had called asleep, the two men left them to take their naps. They went down to the kitchen, prepared some lunch, before sitting down on the couch. Lucas sat in between Eliott's legs, leaning his back against his chest. Eliott snuggled his face into Lucas' wild hair, breathing in his scent quietly. After a while, Lucas brought up the sandwich they had made to Eliott's mouth, waiting for him to take a bite, before taking a bite himself. They continued to share the sandwich like that until no more was left. 

Eliott brought his arms around Lucas' waist pulling him closer. The younger man laid his arms over Eliott's, bringing one hand up to his knuckles before settling it back down over his tummy. It felt weird, no longer having a large baby bump. Lucas sighed, thinking back to yesterday.

_Everything had gone well with the birth. It took a while before he was finally ready to give birth, after 5 long hours of labor. He knew that some people went through a longer time before being ready to give birth, Lucas just felt it was 5 days, not 5 hours. 5 days in pain._

_It wasn't until both boys had been born and Lucas heard their soft crying, finally holding them for the first time, that he knew something was wrong. He felt wrong. The pain was still very much there, not that he had expected anything else. But this was different. That's when the doctor started talking again, saying there was another baby. Lucas was too shocked to even think. How had they missed this? A third child?_

_Lucas was asked to push again, and so he did. He thought he couldn't do anymore, and was pretty sure that was very much true until he pulled himself together enough to finally push their last child out. Eliott had been by his side the entire time, his eyes stuck on Lucas' face as it writhed in pain, but he knew it was necessary._

_He watched in horror as their last child, their baby girl, came completely out. Not that that was the horrific part, it was what followed that scared him. He heard no crying, no screaming, no congratulation from the doctor on their baby girl. No, he saw the doctor run away from the Lucas, followed by a few nurses, their daughter in his arms. He called after the nurses._

_Lucas' eyes were blown wide as he watched the scene unfold. What was wrong? Was something wrong with his baby girl? Why couldn't he hear her? Had he gone deaf or was she just not saying anything? It wasn't until he heard Eliott muttering to himself beside him that he realized he had not gone deaf._

_What was wrong with his baby girl?_

_After what felt like hours, days, the doctor returned, with the dreadful news that their girl had died. She was strong, fighting 'til her very last breath, and they did everything they could to save her, but in the end, she didn't make it._

Lucas felt a tear trail down his cheek by the memory but quickly felt Eliott wipe it away. He turned his head to look at Eliott, who was smiling down at him. It was a soft smile, Lucas almost dared say it was fake, but didn't. Eliott was trying to be strong, for the both of them, he didn't have to and he shouldn't be doing it, but here he was; smiling, trying to make Lucas feel better. Lucas brought a hand to cup Eliott's cheek, making sure the older man could not look away from him as he spoke, "You are allowed my mourn, my love. Don't try to be strong for me, that's not fair. She was- _is_ our kid."

Eliott blinked, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again they were red with tears. 

"I just wanted to..." he stopped with a sob, followed by a sigh, "I don't know what I wanted to do." Eliott shook his head, before trying to smile. "We didn't even know she existed. We didn't get to know her. We haven't spent the last seven months speaking to her every day, preparing a room for her, thinking of names for her, drawing her as a part of our family. It's not fair." He rested his forehead against Lucas'. "I feel like we left her out, not purposely, of course, but still. She was a part of our family, but then again, was she ever really?"

"Yes, she was. We may not have known about her and it's ripping my heart out too, but she always has and always will be part of our family." I wiped away his tears, although I knew a few were falling from my eyes too, "Your right, it's not fair. It's not fair, but we can't do anything about it now. We just have to ... I don't know, remember her. Even though we never really knew her."

"We knew her." Eliott whispered softly, "She is a part of us, just like her brothers. We may only have gotten to hold her once, but we knew her." 

Lucas didn't want to think about when they held her. She was dead- their dead child. Lucas almost felt disgusted by the thought of holding her, she was like a doll. Little and lifeless. But at that moment, a part of him had thought he'd be able to get her back to life. The touch of her father, the one that had been carrying her for nine months. Like some kind of miracle, a story from a book. It didn't happen though, and the experience of feeling her in his arms was traumatizing. But he held her. He held his dead child for the first and last time. He gave her a kiss to the forehead, spoke to her a little, ending with a small 'I love you'. He hadn't even realized it, but he did. He loved her. He knew she existed for 10 minutes, but he loves her. He will always love her.

They wanted to bury her. Give her a name to write on the tombstone. Maybe make a tradition of visiting her. Maybe not on her birthday, considering her brothers would be celebrated on that day.

"How are we supposed to be able to celebrate their birthday when we knew that the very same day their sister died?" Lucas asked and Eliott almost didn't hear it because of how low he spoke. 

"It will be easier with time, I'm sure of it. Her death is not something to celebrate, of course, it's not, but that's not what we will be celebrating on the day. We will celebrate that our sons have turned another year older."

"She was supposed to have turned another year older," Lucas whispered.

Eliott didn't know how to answer that. Lucas was right.

Just as Eliott was about to change the subject, not wanting to speak more about it, a cry was heard from their room. Soon followed by another cry, indicating that one had woken up the other.

Eliott smiled, stood up, and offered Lucas a hand.

"We'll figure everything out as time goes by, okay. Everything will be okay. For now, let's go be the most amazing parents to ever exist, the rest will come when it comes." Eliott said as Lucas stood up. He pulled the younger man in for a kiss, smiling into it as he felt Lucas melt into his touch. "Minute by minute, right?"

Lucas nodded slowly, with a small smile playing on his lips. "Minute by minute."


	3. Oktober 5 - Names

It was official. Emma was pregnant, expecting her first child. And although it may have come as a surprise for some, Yann was the father. The two had been on and off with their relationship ever since they all graduated. Now they were expecting a child.

Daphne was due soon. Only three months left to go.

Eliott had been the first to point out that all their children would be about the same age. Of course, it was all in the back out of their heads as the pregnancies were announced. But with a three months difference between their own sons, Daphne and Basile's child, and 7 months with Emma and Yann's, they could all end up going to school together. Eliott felt weird about the thought but in a good way. This was Lucas' best friends, his own best friends, and their kids could end up being best friends too.

Eliott just had to point that out.

Lucas has had tried to convince Daphne to hold a baby shower but she always declined. And now, with what has been going on lately, Lucas was happy Daphne had said no. Lucas didn't think either he or Eliott could look at big pink balloons, pretty Barbie dolls, and girly clothes. Their friends understood that.   
But yeah, Daphne and Basile were expecting a baby girl. There haven't been any problems with the pregnancy yet, besides the fact that Daphne had not been putting on enough weight as the month went by during the pregnancy. The friend group thought it had something to do with her previous eating disorder, which she had fought away for more than 7 years ago. Which turned out to be true. Very much like Lucas, Daphne had not liked the way her body was changing along with the pregnancy. Lucas himself had felt fat, to the point where he did not understand what Eliott found so attractive about him and he had completely reduced to take off his shirt. But he didn't lack his eating as Daphne had.

But now it was time to party. 

Time to celebrate Emma and Yann's first child. 

They had completely shut down on drinking. Considering there were two pregnant ladies among them, one who loved drinking at parties, they decided to just remove the drinks. Make it a casual, non-alcoholic get-together. Doesn't stop them from calling it a party. 

This is also the first time their friends would be seeing or even hearing from the two men after the birth of their two sons. Eliott and Lucas had wanted some space to themselves and their sons, just enjoying the presence of each other and mourn over their late daughter/sister.

But now it was time to see the others again, whilst also announcing the name of their newborn sons. There hadn't really been time for that after Eliott had broken the news to their friends since the rest of the time in the hospital was used to comfort the couple and just hold the newborn babies. Now it was time for names.

Eliott and Lucas had been the last to arrive at the 'party'. It seems like they always were. They were greeted like usual with hugs and kisses on the cheeks, although most of the attention seemed to be on the boys giggling in their stroller. They got a few comments, ones they had expected to get, that their sons looked just like them. While one had icy blue eyes like Lucas, the other had eyes looking more like Eliott's. Lucas felt it was too soon to say who they looked more like, but Eliott was convinced that they were true copies of Lucas. The younger man had just laughed and brushed him off. 

"So....." Manon had been the first to say, "Do they have names, or do we just continue calling them mini Lu and mini Eli?"

The two boys looked at each other like they were debating whether or not to tell their friends the names of their sons, although they knew they had to in the end. Doesn't stop them from teasing their friends a little. 

"I actually think mini Lu and mini Eli suits them very well." Lucas had said, followed by Eliott saying, "I think it's cute."

That earned a smack on the head to both boys from Arthur and Alexia. 

"Fine, fine. Your no fun." Lucas chuckled as Eliott picked up the firstborn of their sons, the one looking more like Lucas. The younger man picked up their other son and gave him a kiss on the cheek which earned him a giggle. Both men smiled.

"This is Isaac," Eliott said, bouncing their son, Isaac, slightly in his arms. He used little Isaac's arm to point over at his brother, "And that's Evan." 

Isaac and Evan. Their sons.

Later on, without anyone ever really asking about it, the subject of their daughter came up. The boys admitted they hadn't really thought further of what they wanted to do. Of course, they were gonna bury her. But did they want an entire funeral? Eliott had never been very good with funeral's, always hated them, so he didn't think he'd make it through his own daughter's. Lucas was the same, except, he wanted a funeral. Just them, her brothers, Eliott's parents, Lucas' mother, and their friends.

Lucas had felt Eliott tense beside him as she was brought up. Eliott had been more open about the subject, cried for her more after they spoke the day of their return to the house. Their friends didn't dig too deep into the subject, only asked what they were planning to do. And they answered truthfully. Or, as truthful as Eliott could get, at the moment.

But to be honest, Eliott felt guilty. He felt they were moving on from her way too fast. Especially since the idea of more children came to mind. 

This is their family. The family they created on their own. Theirs

And Eliott hoped there would be more children to come.


	4. Oktober 12 - Grave

_Juliet Lu Demaury_

Yes, Juliet. Lucas didn't need to know where Eliott had gotten the name from, which is why he denied Lucas' theory when he had asked if he had gotten the name from the movie. Eliott would never admit it, not even to Lucas, but he had wanted to name her Juliet after the two men watched Romeo and Juliet a few nights ago with Isaac and Evan. It felt personal. The first movie they watched with their sons, and they will name their daughter after it. It sounds ridiculous, Eliott thought, but he liked the name, so he talked to Lucas.

He regretted nothing.

Lu was Lucas' nickname. Every one of their friends called him that. Lucas had long ago, by the time Eliott proposed, said that when they got married, he would get rid of his last name. It was a reminder of his father. The father that didn't give a shit about him. His mother had kept her maiden name, so no really was no reason to keep it anymore. He wanted to carry Eliott's last name, and he would do it with pride. So with the _Lallement_ name out of the picture, Eliott still wanted Lucas to be a part of her name. Lucas had said there was no reason to, she was their kid after all. Besides, soon, Demaury would be his last name too. But Eliott insisted and came up with Lu. 

Lucas liked it. It was sweet. 

_Juliet Lu Demaury_

_Beloved daughter and sister._

Eliott knew more words were put on the gravestone, he and Lucas had been the one to decide what should be written on it, after all. But as he looked at the stone, only Lucas, their sons and himself left at the graveyard, he didn't care what else was written. Their daughter. Died before she had the chance to live. 

He was sat on the ground in front of the stone, his fingers running along the lines of 'Juliet'. Lucas' hands were on his shoulders, giving them a squeeze every time a sob escaped Eliott's lips, occasionally bending down to place a kiss on the older man's cheek. Lucas had been sitting in the spot Eliott sat, just a few moments before they switched places since one needed to keep an eye on their sons. 

_Juliet_

The funeral had been fairly short. Neither of the men said anything about their daughter. There wasn't much to tell that the pastor hadn't already said. They didn't know her, never had the chance to. 

Their friends and family had been there. Lucas' father even had the guts to show up, even though no one knew how he had known the funeral was taking place in the first place. But he was there, and although Lucas would have preferred not ever seeing him again, he wasn't too mad about it. Mr. Lallement had been quiet, keeping to himself and not doing anything that would ruin the funeral. He was simply there for his grandchild's funeral. 

Eliott had a different opinion on Mr. Lallement's presence but didn't voice it out loud. This was no time for a fight. Eliott would have to punch the man in the face another day. 

_Demaury_

Eliott had been over the moon when Lucas said he wanted to take his last name instead of keeping his own or mixing them together. He had said it the same night Eliott had proposed. 

But Eliott had been surprised when Lucas said he wanted their children to be named Demaury. He thought Lucas would have wanted Lallement-Demaury or Demaury-Lallement for their kids. But as Lucas said, that it would make no sense for their kids to have Lallement in their names when none of their parents did. And Eliott had to admit, he could see Lucas' point. That wouldn't make sense. 

Lucas' parent hadn't made much of a fuss about their daughter's last name, only a small comment from Mr. Lallement, and another when he heard why. But nothing to punch him for, thank god! 

_Beloved daughter and sister._

'Cause that's what she was-is. She is their daughter. She is Issac's and Evan's sister. And the two men have sworn that they will tell their sons about her, even though there wasn't much to tell. But she will be remembered. In their hearts, as long as it's still beating. And after that.

Always, after that.

_Juliet Lu Demaury_

_Beloved daughter and sister_

Loving memories of a special daughter.

No farewells were spoken, no time to say goodbye. You were gone before we knew, and only God knows why.

To lose someone so special is really hard to bear. It hardly seems believable that you were here, barely, and then you were gone. You left us far too early. Way before your time had come. And you'll never have the chance to live the life we would have wanted for you. You'll never have the chance to live _a_ life. However hard it is, though, we will take comfort in the memory of the small amount of time we had with you. The happiness you brought, alongside the pain that followed.

There is no footprint too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.

You'll never know how much we love you.

Your fathers,

Lucas and Eliott.

_Juliet Lu Demaury_

_Beloved daughter and sister_

_Wrapped in our love,  
Sleep, little one, sleep_


End file.
